How to talk to your teen about therapy without it turning into a fight
You've been watching your teen carry something heavy. Maybe they're shutting down, snapping at everyone, or saying "I'm fine" in a way that clearly means they're not. You know they could use support. You also know that the second you say the word therapy, you might get an eye roll, a slammed door, or a flat no.
Start by taking a breath
First, take a breath. This is one of the most common worries we hear from parents, and it's very workable. Here's what tends to help.
Pick a calm moment
Pick a calm moment, not a hard one. The car, a walk, or a late-night snack usually goes better than the middle of an argument. Lead with how much you care instead of what's wrong. Something like "I've noticed things have felt heavy lately, and I want you to have someone in your corner besides me" lands very differently than "you need help."
Give your teen a say
Give your teen a say. Teens push back hardest when therapy feels like something being done to them. At Creative Connections you can read every therapist's bio and watch a short video of them, so your teen can pick someone who feels right. A little choice goes a long way.
You're part of this too
Remember that you're part of this too. Parents aren't on the sidelines. We support parents as well, and we're glad to talk with you about how privacy works between a teen and their parents before you ever book. Knowing the ground rules ahead of time can take a lot of the fear out of it for everyone.
If the first conversation goes badly
And if the first conversation goes badly, it isn't over. Try again in a few days. Many teens need a little time to turn an idea over before they can say yes.
Words that tend to help, and words that tend to backfire
What you say matters less than how it lands. Helpful openers sound like an offer: "I've noticed things have been heavy lately, and I'd like you to have someone in your corner. Would you be open to trying it?" or "You don't have to decide today. Want to hear how it works?" Phrases that tend to backfire sound like a verdict: "You need help," "Something is wrong with you," or "I'm done dealing with this." Teens hear those as blame, and they dig in.
Common pushback, and what to say
"I'm fine." Try: "I believe you may feel okay a lot of the time. I'd still like you to have someone to talk to when it's not okay." "Therapy is for crazy people." Try: "It's for people who want support. Lots of kids your age use it." "I don't want to talk to a stranger." Try: "That makes sense. We can do a short consult first so you can see if it feels okay." "You just want to fix me." Try: "I don't think you're broken. I think you're carrying a lot."
Offer real choices
Teens need to feel some control. You can offer choices about things that are genuinely theirs: in person or video, morning or afternoon, a therapist they pick from the bios, or a first session where you wait outside. A teen who has a say is far more likely to show up and stay.
Make it okay to say not yet
If your teen says no, try something like "Okay, I'll leave the door open. Let me know if you change your mind." Then do. Bring it up again lightly in a week or two, and in the meantime keep supporting them in the ways they will accept.
Questions parents ask
Can I make my teen go? You can, but willingness helps a lot. Most families find a collaborative approach works better than a mandate.
Will I find out what they say in sessions? Ask the therapist how privacy works. Most explain it to both teen and parent at the start.
What if my teen likes the therapist but won't talk? That is common early on. Give it a few sessions.
If you ever feel your teen may be in danger, call or text 988 or call 911.
Cost and waitlists
Cost and waitlists shouldn't be the thing that stops you. Teens and young adults 25 and under may qualify for therapy at no cost through a California state-funded program, and we have openings in person in Newhall and by video.
If you or your child is ever in crisis, call or text 988 or go to your nearest emergency room.
Text us at 661-383-2252 and we'll walk you through it. A free 15 minute consultation is a good place to start.
Teen therapy: Adolescent and Teen Therapy
Find a therapist: Find Your Therapist
How to start: Steps to Start Therapy
Explore: No-cost therapy for kids and teens in Santa Clarita
Creative Connections, 24325 Main Street, Ste. 102, Newhall